[Author’s note: this is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek rendition of the last three weeks. While I am thankful for all the things listed, these weeks were in all seriousness pretty awful.]

I’m thankful that my company arranged for an intra-office soccer tournament for this summer. We got to be arranged into teams and play against each other in regular matches. Turns out my weekly pickup games are really very different from real full-field games. I played my last game a bit over three weeks ago.

I’m thankful that while my back felt quite a bit stiffer the week following that last game, I was still able to come into the office and get work done, though I did have to work from home on Wednesday.

I’m thankful that my back was well enough that Saturday that I was able to go take part in a boating activity in the morning, go mountain biking later that afternoon, and have friends over that evening. (Detailed in last week’s my previous post.)

I’m thankful that my work arranged to send me down to Mountain View for a couple days the following week, so I could meet the members of a team I’ve been working closely with the past few months.

I’m thankful that before heading out to the airport on Sunday afternoon, I was able to clean my apartment now that my roommate had flown the coop.

I’m thankful that when I arrived at the terminal, I was able to hobble to the gate agent desk just in time to snag a voucher in exchange for catching a delayed flight. Instead of my 3:30pm flight, I’d leave at 9pm.

I’m thankful that I was able to find a metal bench to lie down on near my new departure gate, so I could be within short walking distance of the plane when it was time to board, as walking was very difficult and slow for me at that time.

I’m thankful that, once the seats were full and it was clear that Delta had once again overbooked this new outbound flight, they were generous enough to offer $1000 to the first person to volunteer to take a flight first thing in the morning. I was thankful for the prior experience that told me that while I was in a great deal of pain in that chair, I’d certainly be well the next morning if I could just make it down to my hotel. (Spoiler-alert: I’m now not thankful I didn’t take the $1000.)

I’m thankful that my rental car had built-in GPS. My phone’s GPS has been obnoxiously sketchy, especially at night, and especially with cloud or forest cover. Successfully navigating to my hotel through a dark rain storm wasn’t in the cards for my poor device.

I’m thankful that I was finally able to find a parking lot to pull into while I figured out the horrifyingly complex user interface to my car’s GPS.

I’m thankful that the attendants of that airport parking lot were patient while I tried backing into a position that wouldn’t block cars trying to exit said parking lot. I’m thankful my car had a backup camera, as I was not gonna be turning around in my seat any time soon.

I’m thankful that when I made it to my hotel it was no longer raining, as the 300 feet I had to walk from my car to the front door took a very long time to traverse.

I’m thankful that my hotel room was on the first floor, so I wouldn’t have to navigate stairs. In fact it was the closest possible room to the front entrance.

I’m thankful that the next morning, while I couldn’t bend my back hardly at all, I was able to take a shower and finagle my way around the hotel room to get dressed. I had to be quite inventive, but I found a way to leverage the arms of the couch to get my socks on, even while I couldn’t touch my toes in any way shape or form.

I’m thankful that Google had a wellness center nearby, staffed by a team of doctors, that had an opening that very morning due to a late cancellation. I’m thankful they were able to prescribe cyclobenzaprine and naproxen.

I’m thankful the wellness center was attached to a cafe, where I was able to hobble over and get some hot breakfast.

I’m thankful I was able to make it to the office where worked the team I was there to meet, and that I was able to successfully mask the extent of my condition for the duration of that brief meet-and-greet.

I’m thankful I was able to find a couch to lie down on and work for a while.

I’m thankful that while my condition somehow worsened after lying down, I was able to puzzle out a way to rise from the couch and collect my belongings.

I’m thankful for the offer of assistance from a passing wheelchair-bound employee who noticed my slow and painful progress to the elevator. He was far more mobile than I.

I’m thankful there was a cafe on the ground floor of the building, where I was able to snag a lunch before navigating back to my car and heading off to a pharmacy.

I’m thankful that the pharmacy had a chair for me to wait in while they fulfilled the order, though that was hardly preferable to standing at that point. And I’m thankful it only took ten minutes.

I’m thankful for the bed I was able to finally crash on. I’m thankful that, prior to that point, I hadn’t fallen over, since I really think I would’ve had to parrot the famous commercial – “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!”

I’m thankful for the understanding of the team I had met when I had to admit that I wouldn’t be able to join them for lunch or any further meetings that day, due to my condition.

I’m thankful that I was able to order some great pizza delivery. I’m thankful that although the delivery man failed to follow my instructions to ask the front desk agent to let him in to my room, a quick call to the front desk got someone there right away.

I’m thankful that the front desk agent who arrived was gracious enough to acquiesce to my very awkward request to fetch me a glass of water from the sink, so I could continue taking my pills throughout the rest of the night.

I’m very thankful for my parents, who called around and arranged for local priesthood holders to come to my hotel room and give me a blessing.

I’m thankful that the next morning, while I wasn’t noticeably better, I was able to find the determination to get myself dressed and out the door. Putting on my socks only took 15 minutes of finagling. Getting the rest of my things together was equally puzzling. (“Lessee, I can kick this stuff on the floor over to the foot of my bed, flop down on the bed, then wiggle over and grab the stuff off the floor. Brilliant!”)

I’m thankful that I was able to get myself to the airport rental car return port. I’m thankful that once the staff there were made aware of my condition, they got someone to drive me to the terminal.

I’m thankful that while I lost my driver’s license, I happen to carry around my old-and-expired Utah driver’s license in my backpack, which the gate agent was happy to accept.

I’m thankful that I was able to find a horizontal surface to lie on within eyesight of the gate, as I was very early.

I’m thankful that once someone did show up, I was able to explain my situation and get upgraded to the row just behind first class, with gobs of legroom.

I’m thankful that this flight was sparsely populated, and the seat next to me was empty. This let me hunch over sideways and try and satisfy my back’s insistence that I straighten out.

I’m thankful that I was able to make it from the Seattle airport to an urgent care and rapidly admitted.

I’m thankful that I was prescribed some really heavy-hitting drugs – oxycodone, some steroidal anti-inflammatory, and a strong muscle relaxant.

I’m thankful that, at the pharmacy where I was to collect said drugs, it only took six or seven minutes of rifling through my belongings to find my insurance card, which I’d had to use not one hour prior to get admitted to the urgent care. I was also able to find my driver’s license, which I hadn’t actually lost.

I’m thankful that the oxycodone took rapid effect.

I’m so thankful that my family arrived in town the next day. They immediately set about putting my place back together, cleaning and doing dishes, the whole nine yards.

I’m thankful that I was able to stand long enough to play narrator for a game night at my place that evening.

I’m thankful that my brother’s childhood friend came into town the following day. While I was out of commission, they could go adventuring together. It was awesome hearing about Hayden’s 50-mile bike race.

I’m thankful that I was feeling well enough to conduct a tour of my office, which I’d been looking forward to for some time.

I’m thankful for all the food my folks left me. It was enough to subsist on while I was essentially bedridden for the following week. I made it in to one and a half days of work, but couldn’t sit long enough to be effective much more than that.

I’m thankful that my manager has been out of town this entire time, and has another half week of vacation. He’s a great manager and wouldn’t have any issues with the time I’ve been spending home, but it’s nice not to have this issue front-and-center. And I’m thankful that work has slowed down some, with not much to do that requires heavy coding.

I’m thankful that my bed’s padding is great. And I’m thankful for YouTube fail videos, to help pass the time. Though I ended up sort of envying the people in those clips – sure they got hurt, but they got right back up, no back pain! Superpowered, I tell ya.

I’m thankful that when I called to schedule a doctor’s appointment on Thursday after showing little improvement, they were able to get me in the same day. They nearly turned me away after I told them I’d been on hydrocodone – normally they don’t admit new patients currently on pain meds like that. But when I told them I’d stopped taking it four days prior, that did the trick.

I’m thankful that the doctor ordered an x-ray and referred me to a spine specialist, who I was able to see the very next morning.

I’m thankful that when I was gearing up to ask how to pronounce the doctor’s name – as it was some Asian name I’d heard a couple times but hadn’t internalized – I happened to notice his name printed on a piece of paper I was holding, and realized that I wouldn’t have to ask his pronunciation at all – I eat at a snack bar of the same name every summer in Grand Lake! Thanks for the visit, Dr. Miyauchi!

I’m thankful that I was feeling well enough to shuffle over to the imaging facility across the freeway. I’m thankful that their waiting area was swanky enough to have a nice couch I could crash on while I waited to be admitted, though I admit the image of a scraggly-faced dude lying on a couch clutching a plastic bag of pill bottles did affect the ambience.

I’m thankful that I was able to shuffle from there down to a nearby McDonald’s for lunch, though that proved to be a mistake – Wendy’s is the far superior option when going for grilled chicken burger.

I’m thankful that the specialist I saw Friday morning was able to interpret the x-rays taken the previous day. Though unfortunately they came back completely normal. So, still no idea what was wrong. The specialist listed a slipped/herniated disc as a leading theory, but since I wasn’t exhibiting any nerve-related symptoms – normal reflex response, no shooting pains – it wasn’t a sure bet. He prescribed physical therapy, and if in two weeks I showed no improvement, he’d order an MRI. (Whatever happened to CAT scans? Do they still do those?) I really really hoped physical therapy was effective, as I had to be on a flight back home in two weeks, where I’d hoped to be back to my normal, mobile self.

I’m thankful that the cold symptoms I started exhibiting that weekend never blew up into anything too bad.

I’m thankful that I didn’t have to wait *too* long to get into physical therapy, they were able to see me first thing Monday morning.

I’m thankful that I live very close to a real smorgasbord of medical facilities – none of the offices I’d visited thus far had been longer than a six minute drive from my apartment.

I’m thankful that the physical therapist who examined me on Monday was extremely proficient. He had me do a few physical exercises just to gauge my condition, then had me lie on my stomach while he prodded my spine. “Hmm, yes, I believe you’ve got yourself a herniated disc on… yeah, your L5-S1 vertebrae, the lowest one on your spine.” He ran me through a few stretches to do every day, then got me going on one of those electro-stimulator machines for a while. He set me up for six weeks of biweekly visits.

I’m thankful that after doing these stretches for a couple days, my back is So. Much. Better. I can actually reach my toes to put my socks on in the morning. In fact most of my pain is not from my back anymore, but from a hamstring that’s bothered me on-and-off for years, and which has been triggered by what I think is simply my abnormal walking from this condition.

I’m thankful that I was able to work a full day today, taking periodic breaks to just lie on my stomach and stretch. I’m not out of the woods yet, but the trees are clearing.

I’m very thankful for the food they serve at the office. While my stockpile has been great, you just need to spend a week cooped up in doors with not a ton of variety to really appreciate that perk.

I’m thankful I have a job that allows me the flexibility (hardy har) I’ve needed to deal with this issue. My team members have been very accommodating when I’ve run into issues getting around the office.

I’m very thankful for the friends that have dropped by with meals or simply company, to watch movies. A good bunch of peeps up here.

I’m thankful for the perspective this has given me on those who deal with this sort of thing on the regular. It’s remarkable what people end up powering through as our bodies degenerate. (And it’s a not-so-nice premonition for what my back might do to me when I grow up.)

Finally, I’m grateful for all the thoughts and prayers directed towards me over the last few weeks. Thank you all.