..is the one word I’d use to sum up the trip to the aquarium I went on with a date yesterday. We started out grabbing lunch from Pikes Place, then ate down by the aquarium entrance. A pair of seagulls wandered over looking for handouts, and I was happy to get rid of the 30%-by-volume deep-fried fluff surrounding the actual seafood.

Then the whoaahing commenced.

 

So that was fun. To backtrack, on Friday I had Uncle Tom, Aunt Karine, McCall, and Ryan up for the weekend. McCall was in town checking out the University of Washington. They got to have lunch at my office and meet a few of my coworkers; much fun.

That evening we finished the Star Wars saga with Rogue One. One of my favorite of the set, but some think it’s just horrible. Very polarizing. Also, someone brought an air popper, and I’d forgotten just how delicious salt-and-butter’d air-popped popcorn tastes, after going pretty exclusive on the coconut oil approach. Might have to pick one up of my own.

This morning I arrived at our church building for a Service & Activities committee meeting. I parked in a far out corner, not my usual spot. I noticed that someone had strewn garbage all over the base of some trees on the church property. This would not do. After the meeting I headed back out to pick the garbage up and take it to the dumpster. As soon as I opened the lid a squirrel launched itself out of the dumpster like seven feet in the air before clambering up a tree. Exciting times.

On the way to the dumpster I’d spotted this woodpecker, went back to capture it for posterity.

Before third hour started we had the usual crowd chatting it up in the hallway, I had to excuse myself back outdoors and decompress a bit. Lovely weather and greenery.

Today we had friends over for dinner. Matching aprons:

Unfortunately I had to jet right as everyone was tucking in, since I’d agreed to sit in on a lesson with the missionaries and someone who’d reached out to them, asking to get in contact. This was the very first time I’ve ever done this from the “other side of the aisle”, so to speak. It was very neat; this guy really felt like something was missing in his life, and seems confident that he can find it through the missionaries. We’ll see where it goes.

So, I’ll end this post with another entry in the periodic album of Adventures in Hyrule. It’s a bit of a long one, feel free to hop off the train now if tales from Zelda don’t interest you; nothing else of substance is left in this post.

Earlier I’d mentioned an episode where I steath-paraglided past enemy lines so I could seize a tower, dodging blasts on my way up. My adventure last night puts that to shame; I was straight-up channeling Teancum.

The objective: make it to a certain location. All the intel I have is what it’ll look like from a first-person perspective once I’m there. I spot a castle in the foreground, with some pillars surrounding a circular dais. An old man had suggested that this image was taken from just south of the castle. I checked my map and placed a pin on the likely coordinates, so I could view it on my scope later.

Unfortunately, that area had been completely razed, with hostile automatons roaming free on slender spider legs, ready to blast any intrepid adventurers into oblivion. This was going to be interesting.

I left my horse, Ol’ Blue, in a safe riverside stable, and approached on foot from the east. While many “Guardians”, as they’re called, were fully armed and mobile, many were broken down and stationary, though no less deadly. Unfortunately it’s difficult to tell these stationary Guardians from actually-dead husks, until approached.

Night was falling, and it started to rain. This would make things difficult, as it’s nigh impossible to climb walls when they get slick. I’d have to wait the weather out before daring anything. In the meantime I carefully assessed the situation, noting all mobile Guardians. The only cover available were apparently-dead Guardian shells, along with a few hills. I snuck from cover to cover, trying to judge which shells looked too decayed to possibly still be active. I made it to the wall, just as the rain dissipated.

After ascending the wall, I was able to get a visual on the target. From my perspective it looked like the beacon I’d placed was hovering just behind a large statue in the middle of the courtyard. I’d just need to get beyond that statue to reach my objective. Between me and the statue lay hundreds of yards of bombed out structures, with a small contingent of Guardians patrolling back and forth. I even spotted some quadcopter drones hovering overhead, equipped with searchlights. Luckily they were more focused on the castle entrance.

I was feeling pretty confident. I could only spot two Guardians. Though I knew there had to be more, there shouldn’t be too many more. And of course I’d have to avoid the dormant stationary units, which wouldn’t make themselves known until I was right on top of them. I began my approach, darting from structure to structure.

At once I heard it: the alarm bells of a Guardian with an enemy in its sights. When Guardians move from patrol-mode to attack-mode, their bodies change from glowing blue to red. A target sight appeared on my body, and I followed it to find the angry eye of an approaching Guardian. I quickly darted behind some cover. It would never be enough, any semi-intelligent agent would be able to simply move around my cover and open up with a barrage of ancient beam power.

The Guardian stalked right up to the shard of wall I was cowering behind. It looked left, then right, waited an uncomfortably long several seconds, then reverted to its glowing-blue mode and reverted back to its patrol pattern. I had no idea their AI was that rudimentary. If they weren’t so unbelievably powerful I would’ve felt annoyed, but I was just heaving sighs of relief that my mission was still a go.

I continued to move from cover to cover, ever closer to the center of the courtyard. I passed between a piece of wall and a Guardian husk, when the husk came alive and began to lock on to me. At the same time, an unseen mobile Guardian came into view, and began targeting me as well.

I hurried and climbed the wall I was standing near, with no plan in mind, just desperation. Dropping to the other side, I found myself in a small enclosure, with the only exit blocked by a poisonous bog – such poison lay strewn over the whole area. I could hear both Guardians on the other side: one stationary, the other stalking back and forth. The mobile one repeatedly tried to walk toward me, but was stopped by the wall each time.

Every time I tried to climb up and out of my sanctuary / prison, I triggered the mobile Guardian, who immediately locked on to me, forcing me back. While I was considering my options, I opened a chest and found 100 rupees. Small consolation.

I donned my Hero’s Tunic, which lets me see the life points of any monster in sight. A health meter displays above each monster, with their total and remaining points left. Luckily for me, this meter was visible for the mobile Guardian, even though I couldn’t see it through the wall. This let me know exactly where it was at all times. It also let me quantify just how afraid of this thing I should be, with its 1500HP.

I worked out its patrol pattern, how it moved in a triangle. I waited for when it would be on the far opposite side of my bunker, then climbed out and made a break for a nearby bombed-out barracks. One Guardian spotted me on the way over, but I hurriedly dove for cover and it soon went back to patrol without approaching to investigate further.

It began to rain again. I’d have to be more careful; no more climbing up walls to get myself out of dodge. There appeared to be a low wall in the shape of a ring surrounding the center of the courtyard. I waited until all Guardians were out of sight, then scurried over. Safe.

Now it appeared that there was only one Guardian left between me and the large statue. On the other side of that statue would be the dais and pillars, the target I was risking life and limb for. All I needed to do was reach the location. I could then teleport back to safety, mission accomplished.

This lone Guardian in my way was clearly undamaged, yet completely dormant. I was confident that even if it awoke, I could reach the dais and complete the mission before it would have time to attack. I made a break for the center. Past the Guardian, which rose up and began to target me. Past the statue.

And there was no dais. No pillars. No glowing indicator that this is where I should be. Bewildered, I turned to my map – effectively pausing the game – while I figured out what had gone wrong. And it was immediately apparent: there had been a second location, just a few hundred yards south of my current position, which had been a second strong candidate for where the dais was. In fact, studying the map closer, I noticed that there was a small ring of water around this southern location. Water which I could spy in a corner of the image I was working off of. All the clues had been there, I just hadn’t read them properly.

All my work, all these near-death experiences, for naught. The true location of the objective, in fact, was far less infested with enemies. I could have captured a wild horse and ridden straight there, without too much difficulty.

So I had a decision to make. Instead of teleporting to safety and trying again, I decided to attempt to exfiltrate myself from the center of this courtyard, past the courtyard walls, and into the small copse of trees where certainly laid the objective. I got myself into this mess, and I wasn’t about to use teleportation to take the easy way out when there was still work to be done here.

But I first had to deal with this Guardian which I’d awoken on my approach. It was pacing back and forth, attempting to get an angle on me. I deftly moved back and forth, keeping the statue between us. A bit comic, really. It was fortuitous that there was no Guardian behind me, or I really would’ve had to bail out.

Eventually the Guardian on the other side quieted down, though it remained mobile. I ran straight away from the central statue, keeping the Guardian on the other side of it. Cover to cover I went. Came perilously close to one of the overhead drone searchers, but managed to avoid it. The rain let up. Made it to the outer wall, which I began to climb.

Immediately several targeting lasers lighted upon me. It would take several seconds for them to fully lock on, though. In that time I managed to make it to the top, which put me out of their direct line of sight. Now I had time to look outward. I saw one mobile Guardian stalking the northern edge of the tree line, and a stationary unit emplaced next to the southern base of the wall I was on.

With sufficient distance, it is possible to dodge a Guardian’s laser blast. The targeting is not predictive, and if you move fast enough in a lateral motion relative to the Guardian, by the time the blast reaches you it’s possible to just barely dodge. With my paraglider I drifted down from the wall to the tree line. Targeting sights appeared. More than I’d anticipated. I ran, zigging back and forth. As it was night, zombie monsters rose up from the ground, complicating my maneuvering. I bobbed and weaved in anticipation of an incoming blast, and was promptly incinerated.

I hadn’t properly accounted for the mobility of the Guardian on patrol. It had closed the distance between us and removed all chance of dodging its attacks. Sigh….

I respawned back at the statue in the center of the courtyard. With the Guardian I’d played chicken with standing right in front of me, glowing red. Thanks game, real nice spawn placement. I rushed to the other side of the statue, repeating the tactic that had saved me before. And it saved me again.

Cover to cover to cover, back to the top of the wall. This time I noted a third stationary Guardian I hadn’t spotted before, with a perfect vantage point to cover the entire northern tree line, which I needed to cross to get to the dais. It would really be nice for me if this dude, with 500HP, would just die.

On a whim, I tossed a remote bomb down. These bombs don’t do much damage, but I can conjure an unlimited number of them. I detonated the explosive, and the Guardian went from 500HP to 498HP. I tossed another. and another. This was fun. The Guardian, helpless to move out of the way or to get a clear bead on me, frustratingly fired fruitless blasts in my general direction.

I imagine the mechanized soldier, somewhere in the cogs and gears of its artificial mind, recognized its own mortality, and its impending death. As powerful as it was, I could do this all day, and there wasn’t a thing it could do to stop me. Blast after blast it hurled in my direction, until all surrounding greenery had burned away. But I just kept lobbing bombs. Bomb after bomb after bomb, 2HP at a time. These things were responsible for taking my perfect run away from me, and I was gonna make ’em pay.

Fortunately for this hapless Guardian, by the time I’d drained it to 400HP, I had come to the realization that I didn’t want to spend the time to lob two hundred more bombs. I looked around for another angle, and spotted a spire of sorts along the top of the wall. I could climb this, then leap from the top and glide further into the heart of the trees than I had been able to before. Hopefully I’d be able to land far enough in to avoid drawing any attention from the Guardians on overwatch duty. On top of this, it was now daytime, so the ground would not be offering up zombie monsters to impede my movement.

I set my plan into motion. Upon landing in the trees, this plan began to fall apart. The emplaced Guardian I’d failed to completely destroy, and the mobile guardian patrolling the tree line, were both aware of my presence. Fortunately, I was able to take cover behind a relatively large tree stump. It was just large enough around that it could block both targeting sights simultaneously. I waited with baited breath, as the mobile Guardian stared the tree stump down from five feet away. It cooled off and moved back to its patrol.

I broke for the dais, which I could spot through the trees. The stationary Guardian from before tried and failed to get a lock on me; the trees were too dense. Ahh, the relief, I made it I made it I made it.

You’ll notice I haven’t specified what was so important about this location. The answer is somewhat spoiler-laden, so I won’t put a direct answer here.

Having accomplished my task, I could move back to safer ground. The mobile Guardian was moving on my position. It had acquired a laser lock. It was seconds from firing. I activated my teleporter and was whisked away to safety. En fin.